I have a temper!
In many blogs I have talked about times I blew my top.
Here are 2:
You, Milk, Fruit & Kardashians All Have Best Before Dates – 4 Tips To Learn Yours
How You Can Avoid My 3 Greatest 4:00 AM Leadership Regrets
I admit that I have been an ass because the people around me deserved much more and much better.
The weird thing is that I know that. I know when it is happening. And I know I should never have put myself in the position of losing control.
Despite my reactions, I am quite self-aware … I have a very high EQ.
I have learned to manage myself by breaking contact when I feel my emotions starting to boil. I Excuse myself and go for a walk or take a break to allow rationality and logic to take over.
Emotional Intelligence.
Emotional intelligence Quotient (EQ) is the ability to evaluate, control, and express your own emotions and to be able to assess the emotions of others.
You might think it is airy-fairy new-age management gobbledygook, but research has shown that EQ is more responsible for leadership success than high intelligence (IQ) scores.
A University of Pennsylvania showed that leaders with average IQ and high EQ outperform those with high IQs but with low EQ 70% of the time.
70%!
It makes sense that a high EQ is critical for a leader to be effective.
Effective leaders need to be able to identify and control their emotions, so they can make the right decisions for their organizations, take calculated risks, communicate effectively, and build relationships.
Read about how to deal with a boss with low Emotional Intelligence
They need to be able to understand the emotions of their team, so they can inspire and drive them to success.
The importance of EQ, particularly the components focused on self-awareness and self-regulation it is a simple, intentional process that anyone can follow.
Here’s how:
1. Notice
Think about a time you were in a contentious meeting.
Maybe you were trying to balance limited resources with competing priorities.
Or was an initiative in trouble and your team are trying to figure out what to do about it?
The meeting probably made you tense, anxious, maybe even irritated.
These negative feelings cloud your judgment and negatively impact your behaviour.
When the leader is anxious or tense, that energy permeates throughout the team and will stall progress. It will cause you to make decisions that ease anxiety but may not address the challenges at hand.
Every day we can feel the full range of emotions, from anger, happy, loving, stressed, aggressive, etc.
Challenge yourself to stop and take stock of what you’re doing and notice how you are presenting yourself.
2. Choose
After you’ve noticed your own emotions and feelings, choose how you want to respond.
Are you becoming aggressive? Is that response working for you? If it is, then you may choose to continue. But if it’s not, figure out what would help.
Recall that contentious meeting?
Reacting with tension may not be helpful.
The team likely needed a calming presence that would allow the space to see possibilities rather than becoming mired in any negativity.
Whatever you choose, acknowledge that it is your choice.
Read more about not being an Ass
3. Be
Become what you’ve chosen manage your emotions and be the leader your people deserve.
If you’ve chosen to be peaceful, calm your mind, slow your breathing, relax your muscles.
Powerful? Stand up tall, uncross your arms, project your voice.
It does not come naturally to most, so take the time to practice so it becomes second nature.
Final Thoughts
When you choose to behave peacefully in the midst of chaos people will begin to mirror you.
So learn to recognize your own emotions and then decide what action you can take for the benefit of their team.