General: “Where are you from son?”

 Soldier states with great pride: “Madison City, Missouri. Sir!”

 General: “Never heard of it.”

 The soldier silently deflates.

 – A scene from the movie ‘The Dirty Dozen.’

 

There are millions of psychology books and trillions of dollars earned by counsellors & consultants by working through this undeniable fact: that people cannot be fulfilled in their work and relationships if they are not known, understood and appreciated for their unique qualities by someone in a position of authority.

 Sorry if I blew the cover off of an industry, but it is simultaneously that simple and that hard.

 In working with a coaching client, we explored that her boss had gone quiet when dealing with her. At one time they were considered friends, my client had been acknowledged as a vital part of the leadership team, had been respected for innovation & leadership and shared confidences with her boss in a trusting & privileged manner.

 Now? All she heard were crickets … her boss had gone quiet or had started directing snide & cutting comments disguised as joking towards her.

 Something had gone sideways with their relationship. In silence, my client started ‘making things up,’ acting almost paranoid and started deflating and shutting down. She was in the frozen state of flight, fight or freeze reaction as her amygdala was taking over. (See my blog post on the biology of leadership: http://paratuseducation.ca/?p=219)

 My client began to feel unknown, misunderstood and unappreciated.

 Let’s be clear about one simple and undeniable point … your boss is your boss, and your employer is your employer. Period. Full stop. And, maybe my client was not performing as she once had. But the boss & the employer, in this case, were failing her. They didn’t want to have the honest conversation … the hard conversation … or make the hard choice about my client, her work and her employment.

 Being the boss is hard work. It is also good to be the boss. But, as another movie says … with great power comes great responsibility. And as a Boss, your responsibilities are:

•  To know the members of your team, understand and appreciate them;
• Treat them with respect;
• Give them dignity by having hard, honest & challenging conversations; and,
• Be the Boss damn it! Make the hard decisions with when it comes to friends and people you like.